An Open Letter to Wal-Mart Shoppers in Gulfport, MS store number 873

I understand your love for shopping at America's largest chain, as I am an American and saving money is very attractive. BUT let's not confuse shopping for a great big place to show off your rap skills (or lack of them). When I walk down the aisles in the future I'd prefer not to have to hear you rapping about whatever it is that you are even saying to begin with. You are white and from Mississippi your tounge will never move any faster- unless there is free buffet somewhere to be had. Second, when you are not rapping, please quit adding SSSSSSS'SSSSS to every word. The store is not WalMarts- there is no such thing as a single Waffle Houses, and just in case we ever get one here it is Target, not Targets. Next, to the lady who invaded my personal space yesterday, YOU ARE SCARY. The next time you have heartburn, keep it to yourself, I promise you that neither I nor my wife or the back of my neck needed to know how bad your heartburn was yesterday as you saddled up next to us at the register. As I tried to sleep last night your memory haunted me. Men, each bathroom is equipped with the proper restroom facilites USE THEM, and from now on I will wear my work boots to the store just incase I need to use the restroom.

Here are some other things you should be hip to.

1. The parking lot is not the stage for a Jerry Springer reenactment.
2. The McDonalds in the WAL-MART uses 130% extra fat.
3. I'm pretty sure that drinking a beer in the check out is illegal- even though you had the integrity to buy the other 5.
4. Items that have been stolen from other stores can not be returned to WAL-MART for cash.

As for WAL-MART employees, SMILE- I know you hate your job, but lighten up and try to be helpful. When I ask for help I am not asking in German- I don't even know how to speak German, so please don't look at me that way. Plus, behind each register you have those incredibly squishy floor mats, and you get to wear pins on your vest, it's like working at Friday's without having to serve food. As for the people with the red vest, you are not the police- you are a customer service manager, when I am returning something with the reciept that means I bought it there and when I got home better judgement prevailed and I realized I didn't need that item.

My sincere hope is that with lots of practice and constructive critism WAL-MART store number 873 in Gulfport MS can become a happy place. Thank you for your time.